Taking Care of Yourself On Valentines Day
I’m Getting a Divorce. How Can I Take Care of Myself On Valentine’s Day?
Disclaimer: This article does not constitute legal advice. If you have any questions about your individual situation it is best to seek the advice of an experienced legal professional.
I’m going through a divorce and I’m dreading Valentine’s Day. How do I cope?
Valentine’s Day often gets called the “festival invented by Hallmark.” Valentine’s Day means different things to different people, but it has historically favored a traditional version of romantic love that was exclusive and painful for anyone who didn’t fit. Valentine’s Day can be especially painful for people who are getting a divorce.
If you are getting a divorce and dreading Valentine’s Day, it’s wise to make a plan to care for yourself, like spending time with friends or watching a favorite movie so you avoid dwelling on your divorce.
Does Valentine’s Day have to be about romantic love?
You might be surprised to find that you’re not the only one who is doing things differently on Valentine’s Day. The American understanding of family and relationships has become more inclusive. People now accept that your chosen family may not be the same as your blood relatives, that relationships change and divorce is not a failure. It’s become increasingly accepted that your friends can be as important as your romantic partners. During the Pandemic, these definitions stretched further, as friends became domestic partners and made each other health care proxies.
Long story short, divorced people are not alone in redefining what love and family means. If there is someone you love, it’s acceptable to tell them you love them and value them on Valentine’s Day. When you search the internet for alternative Valentine’s Day traditions, you’ll find things like “Galentines,” which was pioneered by women who wanted to tell their friends how much they mean to each other.
My ex has a new Partner – How do I avoid thinking about this on Valentine’s Day?
Unfortunately people don’t move on from their relationships at the same rates. Your ex might find a new partner before you do. With the constant exposure to social media it can be difficult to avoid witnessing public displays of affection by your ex and their new partner. There are many tools to get around this. First of all, take a break from social media. There are apps that can block your social media access, and you can even give the password to a friend so you aren’t tempted to check.
If you’re still raw about your divorce, there are ways you can communicate with your ex which can be less draining, such as via co-parenting apps. If you communicate well with your ex, you may be able to raise your feelings about how you handle new partners. Although you can’t police your ex’s behavior, when you choose a compassionate divorce process like divorce mediation, you can discuss deeper issues related to your divorce. Your ex’s behavior with their new partner may also have implications for your children’s wellbeing and your obligations to your child as indicated by California child custody guidelines. These issues can also be discussed in your California divorce mediation.
Is there anything I can do to help move my life forward on Valentine’s Day?
Sometimes caring for yourself can involve taking it easy and having down-time. Other times it could involve doing something more proactive, like making a decision about buying, renting or redecorating your new home. It could mean getting proactive about your divorce and coming together with your ex to evaluate things like your tax options.
At Divorce Options San Diego, we help people move on with their lives in a variety of ways – from the divorce mediation process, to helping you find accommodation or redecorate your home in a way that reflects your intentions for your new life.
I still love my ex, even though I don’t want to be with them anymore. Is it OK if I express this on Valentine’s Day?
It’s more common now for people getting a divorce to remain friends and consider each other family when they break up. Everyone has different boundaries so you will need to establish these openly.
You can establish good communication with your ex in your divorce mediation. You can even learn new communication and conflict resolution techniques that can keep interactions with your ex caring and friendly. If it’s OK with your ex and your new partners, letting them know they matter to you on Valentine’s day can be perfectly acceptable.
How do I keep up a happy face for my kids on Valentine’s Day?
Some of the hardest moments of divorce can be creating new traditions with the kids on days you would normally spend as a family with your ex. Valentine’s Day isn’t necessarily a family oriented day, but whoever has the kids that day will have to deal with children’s questions about the festival, especially now that your ex is no longer present on Valentine’s day or brings you a card or flowers.
When you work with a divorce mediator you can try to sketch out how to deal with these situations in advance. At Divorce Options San Diego we work with children’s needs according to their developmental age. Younger children might be happy to be engaged in a fun activity like making a valentine for their parent or friends. Older children might want to talk about their feelings about the divorce. You don’t have to hide your feelings around your children, you just have to be prepared to talk to them in a way they can process.
My ex proposed to me on Valentine’s Day and wants the engagement ring back. Are they entitled to it?
While you might assume that your wedding ring or engagement ring belongs to you there are some reasons why it could be part of your divorce mediation. According to California law, the engagement ring is a “conditional gift,” and if the wedding is called off it can be returned to the purchaser. Once you are married the engagement ring becomes your own separate property. It is usually not considered to be marital community property because it became your property before the marriage. If your ex gave you a very valuable ring, however, it might be a point of contention. If the ring is an heirloom, your ex might also want it back. If the ring was updated or added to after marriage, it could technically be considered community property.
When you mediate your divorce, you don’t have to fight these matters before a judge. You can negotiate with your ex to get the best deal for you both. At Divorce Options San Diego we tackle both the emotional and financial significance of these gifts and transactions. Some property has sentimental value that can be hard to put a price on. We ensure that both parties needs are heard and that the agreement reflects the best interest and needs of the parties.
I’m getting married and love my partner, but I think I want a prenup. It’s not very romantic – how do I ask?
A prenup may not be the most romantic thing to ask for, but many couples are choosing to get a prenup or postnup to outline what to do about property if they get a divorce. These agreements tend to be more successful if they are mediated and worked out in collaboration with your spouse or spouse-to-be.
Sometimes the best way to say “I love you,” is to be pragmatic and plan for the future. At Divorce Options San Diego we can do marital mediation or premarital mediation that is time-limited and goal-orientated. Many couples want to sit down and agree to become equal financial partners and improve one or both partner’s financial literacy. These mediations can be formalized if desired and can become a prenup or postnup (marital agreement). If you are worried about how to broach the topic of a prenup or postnup with your partner we also do individual consultations. We can help you formulate your request so that your spouse will feel respected and cared for.
Compassionate San Diego Divorce Mediation Services
At Divorce Options San Diego, we are compassionate, well-educated divorce mediators who are also certified financial planners. Our West Coast divorce mediators assist divorcing couples to overcome all sorts of issues related to their divorce and come to an optimal settlement regarding community property. We approach divorce as a process that should be a “win-win” for all involved. We don’t do adversarial divorce and we encourage an innovative approach to rebuilding your future after divorce. There is no problem too big or too small for divorce mediation. We recognize that families no longer fit a predefined mold. We can help you negotiate issues regarding parenting, boundaries and your future relationship as supportive exes and/or co-parents. You don’t have to be in the same room as your ex if you want to. However some divorcing spouses choose to work closely together. We help divorcing couples transition in their careers and lives by offering additional services such as divorce transition coaching, career coaching and interior design consultation. Our legal expertise helps to ensure that your divorce, parenting and custody agreement will be in compliance with California Law. In most cases you will never have to go before a judge. We assist divorcing spouses in San Diego and elsewhere rebuild their lives on their own terms, whether that means creating new traditions, starting a new career or become a better co-parent. We have offices in Solana Beach but can mediate remotely at your convenience. Please contact us to learn more about our West Coast divorce mediation services.
