FAQ: Is It Possible To Live With My Ex And Co-Parent Amicably?
Disclaimer: This article does not constitute legal advice. If you have any questions about your individual situation it is best to seek the advice of an experienced legal professional.
Can I co-parent with my ex and live in the same building or apartment?
The sky-rocketing costs of renting and buying in cities like San Diego may spur some California couples to live with their ex or at least share a common space to co-parent. When you choose divorce mediation for your California divorce you can establish boundaries that can withstand these non-traditional co-parenting scenarios.
A recent New York Times article https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/14/style/modern-love-kinder-gentler-divorce.html detailed an arrangement in which ex-spouses lived in the same building and co-parented their child. They lived in two apartments in the same building and co-parented their child together.
Co-parenting in the same building or apartment as your ex is not for everyone, but if you want to make it work you can turn to divorce mediation to set boundaries and make a realistic parenting plan.
What are the benefits to co-parenting under the same roof as your ex?
For many divorced, parents, the sheer cost of moving out is too much. Or, maybe the kids are very young, so having them in a familiar space is the desirable option until they get older. When you have several young children it can be difficult to cope with the demands of a baby or toddler and younger child at once. If you get on well with your co-parent you might choose to raise your young children together until they are older.
You might choose to co-parent under the same roof as a temporary arrangement to save money or to support each other. If you’re lucky you might have a separate space for one partner to go like an in-law apartment or backyard dwelling.
You might choose to enter into a longer term arrangement with your co-parent, where you live together, or in the sameneighborhood. If you can afford to buy a multi-family home like in the above article, this can be a good investment which can help you and your ex financially after divorce, and could benefit your kids in the future as well.
People often choose to parent under the same roof to provide stability for their children and avoid the infamous custody exchange drop-offs and pick-ups, in which the children are passed between exes and have to adjust to the reality of two homes, mislaid schoolbooks and missing the other parent.
What are the types of co-parenting scenarios where you live in close proximity with your ex?
When parents have a home where the children live permanently and they both “fly” in and out of the home to parent their children it is called “nesting.” In an ideal world, people would be able to afford two separate homes and one home to parent the children. However this may not be realistic for all parents getting a California divorce.
Parents might prefer to live under the same roof but occupy different parts of the house, have one apartment they occupy separately when not parenting the children, or buy property in the same building or on the same street.
When parents live and parent together but are not longer married this is often called “Platonic parenting.”
Could the choice to co-parent while living together affect any child custody decision?
When you have chosen to co-parent in close proximity with each other most likely you are not in conflict with your ex and get on pretty well with them. When you get a divorce with children, even if you mediate your divorce, you still have to get approval from the family court on matters involving your children.
You should try to ensure that you are a co-parenting team who is acting responsibly towards your children. California courts consider the best interests of the child first and foremost. If you are living together under the same roof you should discuss with your co-parent what to do about dating for example. Introducing children to new dating partners too quickly is not always good for children, and it may be viewed unfavorably during your custody proceedings.
At Divorce Options San Diego, we have legal expertise and can help ensure your custody negotiations and parenting plan are in line with California child custody guidance. We help you make the divorce your own while still abiding by the rules that are put in place for the benefit of children.
Can divorce mediation help me to pursue a non-traditional co-parenting arrangement?
The exciting thing about choosing a non-traditional co-parenting option is that you get to make it your own. The daunting thing is making it work when there is no road-map. Divorce mediation can help you build your own road-map that answers to the needs of you, your ex and most importantly, your children.
We consider the child’s developmental age and needs in any parenting plans and parenting arrangements. We help you to establish boundaries surrounding the shared use of space, parenting styles, schooling, play, cooking meals, dating after divorce and more.
We are also certified financial planners who can help you optimize your community property so you don’t lose out because of your divorce. Working any property investment into your divorce agreement, including who has an interest in shared property or a multi-family unit can be part of your divorce negotiations and can positively contribute towards your family’s future security.
Our Services and How We Can Help
At Divorce Options San Diego, we are experienced, caring and highly qualified West Coast mediators who help divorcing spouses to come to the agreements that are right for them. There is no one size fits all solution in divorce mediation. If you choose to pursue a non-traditional parenting arrangement like nesting or platonic parenting, divorce mediation empowers you and your spouse to forge the path that is right for you. We help divorcing spouses reach win-win solutions that consider all the factors relevant to the situation: financial, emotional and practical. We have psychoanalytical expertise and can work with children’s developmental age to help parties have a child-centered divorce. We don’t do adversarial divorces that waste time and money. Instead we help divorcing spouses view their divorce a business deal which can maximize their community property and give them the best start in their new independent lives. We have offices in Solana Beach, CA and we also do remote mediations for those located elsewhere. Please contact us to learn more about our San Diego Divorce Mediation Services.
