I’m getting divorced. How Do I Cope with Social Media Over the Holidays?

Disclaimer: This article does not constitute legal advice. If you have any questions about your individual situation it is best to seek the advice of an experienced legal professional.

People getting divorced are advised to stay away from social media at the best of times. During the holidays it can be even more difficult. How can you stay away from social media, whether it’s lurking your ex’s account or posting revealing things online? There are ways to be accountable to yourself and practice self-care:

1. Talk to your divorce mediator or therapist about ways to broach the subject of social media. Couples who work with a divorce mediator are participating in a collaborative process in which they get divorced with the help of a neutral mediator. In divorce mediation, you can raise sensitive or emotional issues like posting on social media, and even informally agree with your ex not to post certain things.
2. Use Digital Wellness apps to manage your social media use. Digital wellness apps can block websites like social media sites during certain times of the day or for certain periods like the holiday period. If it’s desired, you may even want to hand over passwords or controls to a trusted friend or family member.
3. Talk to your ex about how to manage new partners or whether to introduce the children. If you are not spending the holidays with your kids, it’s lonely enough. The last thing you want to see is photos of your ex celebrating with your kids and the new partner.Divorcing parents should be wary of exposing the kids to a new partner. Child custody decisions are made in the best interests of the child, and being reckless about exposing your children to emotional upheavals could go against you and cause a dispute. It’s best to decide what’s appropriate in advance.In divorce mediation, you can discuss boundaries that are appropriate for your children and also mindful of child custody guidelines. The mediators at Divorce Options San Diego have legal and psychoanalytical expertise that can help you work with California law and your child’s individual needs. Depending on children’s age they will have different developmental needs for reassurance and boundaries.
4. Keep busy and distract yourself. It’s easy to get pulled into hyper-focusing on your divorce. It’s often more healthy to focus on the positive things you can control. Taking the time to practice self-care can get you out of your head – whether it’s getting exercise, watching a movie or chatting to friends. Creating new holiday traditions can also help to put distance between yourself and your ex. Think of all the ways you can decorate the house or cook, now that you don’t have to work around your ex’s preferences.Some divorced people may even be moving or doing interior decorating during the holidays. At Divorce options San Diego, our divorce mediators often assist with the practical aspects of divorce including hiring movers or decorating your place.
5. Take ten seconds before sharing. It might be tempting to vent on social media, or alternatively share a gushing post about your new life post-divorce. Particularly if you are about to share something negative, this could have serious consequences for your divorce negotiations. At best it could antagonize your spouse, at worst it could jeopardize your child custody proceedings. You can speak to your divorce mediator about what you typically share and make a plan to pause before sharing. Habit tracking apps that reward you for avoiding bad habits can keep you on task. You might even want to make a policy of calling or texting a friend before you are about to make a questionable post on social media.
6. Communicate with your ex through co-parenting apps rather than social media. There are many co-parenting apps that divorced parents use to manage their schedules and communicate in designated ways. These can help keep communication efficient, practical and non-emotional. You can also work with divorce mediators to develop better communication with your ex. Our divorce mediators do remote mediations and separate sessions so you don’t have to be in the same room (or even Zoom call) as your ex if you don’t want to.
7. et help. Some people struggle with dependence on social media. Social media can even be a full-blown addiction for some. If this is you, your divorce may go more smoothly if you have mental health support throughout your divorce. If you have issues with social media dependence you can discuss this with the mediators at Divorce Options San Diego. All our divorce mediations are strictly confidential so any mental health issues you discuss will remain private. We can put our psychoanalytical knowledge to work for you and build mental health considerations into our divorce negotiations and divorce planning.

Divorce Mediation Services and Social Media Use

The mediators at Divorce Options San Diego are compassionate, educated West Coast divorce mediators who leverage financial, legal and psychoanalytical expertise to help people getting a divorce to overcome many issues related to their divorce and reach a mutually beneficial agreement. If social media is a sticking point in your divorce, then we can help you make a plan for that. We help parties come to win-win solutions, and never do adversarial work. We believe it’s possible to have a peaceful, child-centred divorce that can withstand even points of stress like the holiday season.

We work with divorcing spouses to manage all aspects of their divorce transition, which can include divorce coaching and career coaching. Our mediations are strictly confidential. We do remote mediation using secure private services on a variety of teleconferencing apps or by telephone. We can work with spouses getting a San Diego divorce, anywhere else in California, in North America and beyond. We have offices in Solana Beach, CA, for in-person mediation. We can do in-person or remote mediations, social distancing guidelines permitting. Please contact us to see how we can help.