5 Non-Confrontational Ways To Ask For a Prenup
Disclaimer: This article does not constitute legal advice. If you have any questions about your individual situation it is best to seek the advice of an experienced legal professional.
It’s not the most romantic gesture. It may also be a key stepping stone to marital success. Asking your spouse-to-be for a prenup is not an easy conversation to have, however the long-term benefits can outweigh the disadvantages. If you can manage to frame the conversation in a way that is collaborative, respectful and non-confrontational, making a prenup can be a positive experience that helps you engage with the financial aspects of your marriage. People often choose to consult with a family law or divorce mediator to develop a strategy before introducing the subject with their spouse. Some non-confrontational ways to introduce the subject include:
Tell your spouse-to-be you want to tackle the basics. Legally speaking, a marriage is a financial union. There are lot of reasons why getting to grips with this fact can improve your marriage. Tackling the grittier aspects of marriage can signify you are committed to being a team. If you have a good idea of the resources you are both bringing into the marriage you can plan for the good times and the bad.
Tell your spouse-to-be you want to learn how to be a better partner. Often in a marriage, one spouse handles the money and the other never gets to grips with the finances. This can create a dependent relationship in feels a great weight of responsibility and the other can feel helpless. By letting your partner know that you trust them to have these discussions, or that you want to be a part of the financial decision-making process, you can send the message that you want to pull your weight in the marriage.
Tell your spouse-to-be you want to plan protect each other in the future. Life isn’t perfect and many Millennials, Gen Xers and Gen Zs have witnessed their parents’ divorce. The divorce rate in the US hovers at about 40 percent. There is a growing acceptance that marriage is a contract two people make to share resources, and that the emotional component of the relationship may not work out. Increasingly it isn’t only divorce that people plan for – it’s illness and death. In community property states like California, debt collectors can collect medical bills from spouses, even if the other spouse has passed away. Making a prenup to separate your assets can protect your spouse’s assets from debt like student debt or medical bills in case of death or divorce. When you make a prenup, you can make a decision in advance about how to protect each other from unforeseen events. Rather than leaving loose ends for the future, you can make a plan now, and base your financial goals on your plans, so that you are both prepared and protected no matter what happens.
Tell your spouse you want to maintain some independence from each other. Not everyone goes into a marriage wanting to be joined at the hip. If you are in a dual income marriage and both of you have good salaries, you might prefer to maintain some financial independence. For some couples it could be a sign of mutual respect that you want to set some boundaries when it comes to shared finances.
Tell your spouse you want to plan to protect your children. If you have children, or are planning to have children, your financial future is tied up with being either a provider and/or homemaker. Your ability to provide for your children could depend on making a smart prenup that supports your ability to grow your assets as individuals and thrive separately. If one of you is giving up time that would be spent building their career to take care of your children, it could be smart to decide on a value for this contribution so that the spouse who is taking care of the children can get back on their financial feet after divorce. If you are the breadwinner and have a lucrative career, the prenup can specify ways that you can use your income to save for your children’s future, which may involve separating your assets from the community property. In California, you can waive spousal support, and many people getting a divorce or making a prenup with our West Coast mediators choose to go it alone after their marriage as a way of building wealth and contributing towards their own or their children’s future.
Our Services And How We Can Help
At Divorce Options San Diego, we are compassionate, highly skilled marital, divorce and family law mediators who work with couples who want to mediate complex financial, emotional and child custody issues in their divorce or to negotiate the financial aspects of their marriage. We never do adversarial work and instead empower couples to utilize the potential of the community property to thrive, whether they choose to stay married or get a divorce.
We can integrate the process of getting a prenup with marital mediation, to help couples define their financial goals and to ensure that both partners are comfortable with the agreement. When everyone is fully on board and informed about the stakes, these agreements are much more likely to last. Far from a threat to your marriage, a prenup can be a founding document that can help you to refine your priorities together.
Marital mediation is a time limited, goal oriented process that tackles a specific set of problems. Our West Coast Mediators have financial and legal expertise, so any documents drafted as a result of agreements made in mediation sessions are thoroughly reviewed and legally compliant. If you would like to discuss how to go about making a prenup with your spouse-to-be, we are available in person or remotely depending on your location and convenience. We have offices in Solana Beach and San Diego. Please give us a call to find out how we can help.
