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Children Fear Abandonment in Stressful Divorces

Research has consistently shown that parental conflict has negative effects on children. Brand new research shows that parental conflict can even provoke fear of abandonment in children. One of the most interesting things about this study is that it doesn’t matter how good your relationship is with your child. High quality parental relationships did not lessen the deep fear children felt. Children look to their parents for models of how they should behave, so high conflict divorce likely causes children to fear for the stability of all relationships. If Dad’s love for Mom can experience such a dramatic reversal, perhaps the child could be abandoned too? Divorced parents are often concerned about the effect a break-up will have on their children. Without blaming yourself and trying to suppress all conflict, how do you work with your co-parent to help your child survive your divorce? If you choose divorce mediation you are choosing a non-adversarial form of divorce. As you go through the process you are learning modes of conflict resolution. Your divorce mediator can actually make this a conscious learning approach if desired. When you divorce with children, you are not just dividing your lives, you are learning how to be parents for your children even though you are no longer together. You can actually “upskill” your parenting techniques in mediation. At Divorce Options San Diego we help families have a divorce that is centered on children and their developmental needs. We understand that children have different developmental needs at different ages. It’s unrealistic to expect to have a divorce entirely free of stress, but if you can resolve conflict in a healthy way that children can understood, you can alleviate many of the stressors that can have a developmental impact on your child and negatively affect their psychological future. Even if you can’t stop your children from feeling upset about your divorce, you do have power over the way you and your spouse behave as a parental unit. The best thing about divorce mediation is that it gives you back the power over your divorce. In adversarial divorce litigation many forces are in control of your divorce – your spouse, your spouse’s attorney, the judge. In choosing to work with your spouse in divorce mediation you can choose how to be co-parents in the way that suits your family best. You can split custody as you see fit, arrange parenting time around work schedules and do whatever it takes to have a mutually beneficial conflict-free divorce. We are a full service San Diego divorce mediation firm who can help you navigate the form driven California divorce process, including child custody and child support forms. It’s possible to have a peaceful divorce on your own terms, without any lawyers involved, and also make sure your children aren’t harmed.

Our Services and How We Can Help

At Divorce Options San Diego, we are highly qualified professional mediators and certified financial planners with psychoanalytical expertise. Our mediators are caring, educated professionals who build divorce around conflict resolution, closure and practical solutions for your future life, even beyond divorce. When considering divorce many people assume they are facing into an expensive battle, expecting a “win-lose” outcome and numerous court appearances. At Divorce Options San Diego we reframe divorce as an opportunity to generate creative, optimized solutions for your future and your kids’ future. We never litigate. We do not do adversarial work and we do not ever represent one spouse against another. We empower divorcing spouses to own their divorce and craft sustainable, effective mutual agreements that will last long after the divorce is finalized. We are a one-stop shop providing a bundle of essential divorce services, from paperwork, court documents and financial analysis, through divorce transition coaching, life coaching and interior design. We cater to those with busy lives who want the best for themselves and their children. We can help you to complete your divorce from beginning to end. We use developmental psychology, attachment theory, psychology of grieving and family systems psychology to help you and your children through a difficult emotional transition. We help divorcing parents draft multi-phase parenting plans considering the child’s developmental needs. These parenting plans are lightweight, flexible, but thorough and in compliance with California law. We help co-parents build parenting plans that will withstand the challenges of parenting, even if national or international location is involved. We can assist you with the tools to stay connected to your child even if you aren’t the primary caregiver. As a full-service divorce mediation firm, we help you navigate the form-driven California divorce process. We secure the process so that even if a change is made, the court will be informed in the correct manner. We help you draft settlement agreements that are fully legally compliant and take into account the needs of all the family. In most cases you won’t have to hire a divorce attorney or ever have to appear before a judge or visit a courtroom to finalize the divorce. Even with the more difficult or protracted divorces, mediation is an effective solution. Many of our successful resolutions have occurred even when one or both of the parties thought that mediation wouldn’t work in their particular case. Mediation is a 100 percent confidential process, so you can be assured your divorce will be handled with care and privacy. At Divorce Options San Diego we emphasize an efficient, caring process that leaves out no detail relevant to your emotional, financial or legal situation. This leaves you free to get on with your life and care for your kids and yourself both during and after your divorce. We have offices in Solana Beach, CA but can work with you remotely at your convenience using telephone, video-conferencing apps and other forms of electronic communication. Please contact us [link to contact page] for a discreet and confidential consultation see how we can help.

To learn more why some children live persistent fear abandonment