When you are a divorced parent in San Diego, back-to-school parenting can be an intensive process. At the busiest time of the year for you and your children you have to rethink your whole parenting operation. The back-to-school period can call for adjustment at the best of times, as children’s schedules and activities will change from year to year. Whether you are still in the process of negotiating your divorce, or whether you want to re-negotiate your parenting responsibilities, working together in divorce mediation can be the foundation for successful parenting throughout the school year. The following are a few ways to handle the back-to-school period as a divorced parent:
- Figure out the best way to communicate with your San Diego co-parent. Text messages, co-parenting apps, calls or meetups (depending on what you can handle) – all of these are structured ways of communicating with your co-parent that can have different functions and can be more formal or casual. If you have a great relationship with your co-parent you may want to meet up a lot to do shared activities with your kids or even meet for coffee. If your relationship is more of a practical necessity there are still ways to be a good co-parenting team and stay civil. This could include using co-parenting apps that prompt you if you are about to get into conflict.
If you are struggling to cooperate, working together in divorce mediation to resolve any conflicts and delegate strengths and weaknesses can help you manage the more stressful aspects of communication. There are also specific non-violent ways to communicate and conflict avoidance/de-escalation strategies you can learn during your divorce mediation sessions. People may also have different communication patterns or comfort levels regarding technology and communication. Find out what works for you and your co-parent and be mindful of their communication patterns, such whether they respond immediately to text messages, or whether they are busy at certain times of the day. Agree on the best way to communicate important information such as what you do if there is an urgent issue with your child’s performance or behavior at school, or an accident or emergency involving your child.
- Communicate all new and urgent Information ASAP. When you are parenting a child at school, you need to stay on top of their schedule, activities, any equipment needed or school absences due to Doctor’s appointments etc.. As well as being considerate of the other parent’s budget or schedule, it is also a way of avoiding conflict that could derail your co-parenting relationship.
- Involve the other parent. Even if you are no longer in touch with your co-parent regularly you can stay in touch with them via agreed methods of communication and you can also keep them informed about the child’s activities by sending photos of your child etc. A great way to involve your co-parent is to speak positively about them to your child, or to mention encouraging things your co-parent may have said about a school project the child is working on an after-school activity they are enjoying. On the flipside, you should avoid interrogating your child for information about what they did with the co-parent. If have an issue it’s best to try to speak to your co-parent directly rather than making your child a go-between.
- Share a common calendar. One of the simplest things you can do to make your back to school divorced parenting run more smoothly is to share a common calendar that records upcoming events and school-related activities. If you both are working from the same calendar it’s less likely you’ll get confused and miss events, pick-ups or drop-offs.
- Decide how to do pick-ups and drop-offs. Pick-ups and drop-offs are some of the most traumatic aspects of divorced parenting. Switching from one parent to another can be disruptive to children and parents, but it doesn’t have to be. Deciding how to do your back to school pick-ups and drop-offs is one of the most important negotiations you will engage in as a co-parent.
- Have back up supplies. When children are regularly moving between two homes, it’s inevitable things will get mislaid. One of the smartest things you can do as a co-parent is to have replacement supplies for your kids in case they forget something.
- Decide how to handle parent-teacher meetings. Will you go to parent-teacher meetings together or alone? How do you handle going to recitals or school events together? Attending parent-teacher meetings together is not for every divorced couple. You can decide whether you alternate your attendance at these meetings or go together. If one of you is living far away you may need to arrange remote meetings with educators.
Our San Diego Mediation Services And How We Can Help
Our West Coast mediators are caring, well-educated professionals who help divorcing spouses getting a divorce in San Diego California or elsewhere to have a peaceful divorce that is gentler on everyone. We never do adversarial divorce and always seek solutions that benefit all parties and most importantly, your children.
Our divorce mediation services cover all aspects of your divorce, from agreeing on a parenting plan, to streamlining documentation and ensuring your custody agreement and parenting plan is in compliance with California law. We assist parents with picking the best tools and strategies to help them be a good co-parenting team. There are many scheduling apps, messaging apps and other tools that can make planning busy times of year more efficient. In addition, we use tools and methods that address children’s psychological needs, particularly their developmental needs for play, encouragement, affection, which can all influence a child’s education while their parents are getting a divorce.
When it comes to parenting children after divorce, the needs of children and adults change over time and nothing is set in stone. Even if you have already negotiated your parenting plan and custody schedule it’s possible to come back for adjustments that suit your current needs. We have offices in Solana Beach, CA, and San Diego, CA and can mediate any issues regarding your back-to-school parenting either remotely or in person at your convenience and depending on your location. Please contact us to learn more about our West Coast divorce mediation services to see how we can help you and your children cope with the busy back to school period.
