Divorce stereotypes often paint a bleak picture of divorced parents struggling with solo parenting. In recent articles, divorced San Diego parents, especially divorced Moms, have been fighting back against these stereotypes with confessions about enjoying their alone time when the kids are with the other parent. It may be difficult to admit that time without your kids can be welcome, but part of being a better parent is learning how to attend to your own needs.
You don’t have to be best friends with your ex to have an amicable divorce and to share San Diego co-parenting responsibilities in a way that can actually enhance your life. The key to smart co-parenting after divorce is identifying how your schedule, your parenting strengths, and anything else you have to offer as a parent can become part of a mutually beneficial agreement with your co-parent.
If it’s a well-kept secret that divorced parenting can actually enhance your life, what makes it possible? Even though you likely miss seeing your children all the time, the following are a few reasons why divorced parenting can be a positive experience if you can learn to adapt:
- Divorced Parenting clearly establishes responsibilities and time spent with the kids. When both of you were parenting, you might have engaged in “pile-on” parenting – both of you available for your kids 24/7 without clearly defined child-free time. Both of you might have done a little bit of everything with no fixed schedule for who is dropping the kids to their activities, making meals or helping them with schoolwork. For divorced parenting to work, parents need to agree on some kind of schedule that recurs week to week. It isn’t completely inflexible, but you should know where you need to be and when, and keep your co-parent updated on this. Doing this can actually help you become more organized about parenting, and allow room to plan fun activities with the child.
- Divorced Parenting helps you learn new things as a parent and share positive self-growth with your kids. In marriage, people can become stuck in certain roles, with one spouse doing all the gardening, finance or craft activities with the children. As a divorced parent, you may find yourself pushing through discomfort to accomplish tasks that the other parent would traditionally have taken care of. Learning new things and sharing these skills with your kids can be a healthy way of modeling curiosity, self-growth and resilience.
- Divorced Parenting helps you rediscover yourself as an individual, not just a parent. Divorced parents have become less afraid to admit that rediscovering yourself as individual, not just a parent can be a positive thing. Getting back in touch with yourself could mean planning trips with old friends, taking up a hobby on evenings you don’t see your kids, or taking care of aspects of your life your spouse would have handled before. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids. Divorced parents often describe the growth that happens after divorce as evolving into someone your kids can respect. By respecting yourself you set an example for your kids to be themselves and be resilient to adversity.
- Divorced Parenting, if handled right, can expand your family and add new supportive adults to your children’s life. One good thing about getting divorced is that it can bring new relationships into your life and expand your children’s definition of family. Getting into a new relationship is not easy but it can also be very positive in that more supportive adults become part of your child’s life. Even if you don’t want a romantic relationship, supportive friends can also expand the definition of the nuclear family and give your child a sense of being supported by the community. These transitions are not always easy on kids, so you will need to work on establishing boundaries about introducing kids to new partners in your divorce mediation, and being sensitive about how you should handle plus ones at family, school events or graduation. Staying alert to the sensitivities of your ex-spouse will also ensure that your co-parenting relationship can continue to run smoothly.
Our Services In San Diego and How We Can Help
Positive divorced parenting is important for kids because divorce is traditionally stigmatized in society and kids can suffer shame and feelings of self-blame due to this stigma. Divorced parents don’t have to separate their own healing from their children’s healing. At Divorce Options San Diego, we are West Coast mediators who help people who are getting a California divorce or a divorce anywhere else in the country to manage their divorce so that children can have the best outcomes.
Our West Coast mediators are caring educated professionals who do compassionate, non-adversarial divorce. We help people make positive choices about their future, using their divorce as a starting point for self-growth and healing. We help divorcing parents agree on parenting plans that are flexible but also fully compliant with California Law. These parenting plans are lightweight and adapt to the needs of the child as their developmental demands change. We also offer services like divorce coaching, career coaching and interior design to help parents with aspects of their post-divorce life, such as moving into a new space or a career change. If you and you co-parent live in different states, cities or have relocated internationally, your parenting plan can be a tool to help you delegate your parenting responsibilities when you are living far apart.
We have offices in San Diego and Solana Beach and can also mediate your divorce remotely from any location. If you are on the brink of a new life and want to make the best decisions to help yourself and your kids after divorce, please contact us to learn more about our divorce mediation services.
