Most of us would agree we’ve come a long way from the 1950s notion of “family values.” There’s an understanding that marriage is a partnership and that both men and women are capable of pitching in with duties that were once assigned to traditional gender roles, from taking care of the kids to being the breadwinner. Although values have shifted, what’s shocking is how women still face penalties for going “too far.” A study conducted in Sweden showed women who made certain career leaps faced consequences in their marriages that men didn’t face. An Atlantic article on the study quotes some dispiriting opinions from Gen Z children on how they see female breadwinners. The children appear to believe the most desirable roles for husbands and wives are traditional, with men as the breadwinners and women in caregiving roles. As the article puts it so well: “Teenagers and young couples still cling to the traditional notion that career success is a male drama in which women must do their best in a supporting role.”
The dissatisfaction with that dynamic was very sensitively explored in the Oscar-winning movie Marriage Story, in which a divorce revolves around an actress’s resentment about giving up her career and ambitions to serve her husband’s own career as a stage director. She divorces her husband because she feels she couldn’t have followed her own dreams in Hollywood without rocking the boat. It’s only after the divorce that she has the freedom from the “supporting actor” role in her husband’s life to become successful herself.
The Swedish study found what most often caused problems in a marriage was a sudden change in the couple’s dynamics. Couples that had always equally shared duties didn’t split up as often, but when a wife changed direction and began to focus on her career, her marriage suffered. Also, sadly, the more high-powered the roles were (e.g., running for public office or taking on CEO roles), the more the marriages suffered.
When a woman is facing divorce because of a sudden promotion, she may be dealing with a resentful spouse, kids who need childcare, and a job that suddenly demands a lot of time, leaving less room for the dramas of divorce. Luckily, with mediation, you can choose to work together and try to dial down the divorce drama. The process is also a lot more cost-effective and takes much less time. For people who are emotionally drained and time constrained, the main benefit of choosing mediation is that it can be a richer and more comprehensive experience than a merely legal and transactional divorce. The San Diego divorce mediators at Divorce Options San Diego have psychoanalytical expertise and aim to tackle your divorce on multiple levels, covering emotional and psychological issues, financial negotiation, child custody, and even the challenges of post-divorce life, such as moving and career retraining.
Another issue for some divorcing women with sudden career accelerations is what they want to keep and share. As California is a community property state, what is earned within the marriage is equally divided. You may feel like holding on to some of the new benefits of your career, such as stock options. You may be able to afford an alternative parenting arrangement such as “nesting,” which is sharing a third home with your spouse to raise the children. Rather than allowing the courts to make these decisions for you, all these options can be discussed in mediation, and a fair agreement can be reached that honors both of your contributions to the marriage and makes reasonable predictions for your future apart.
Perhaps the best outcome of mediation, however, is the potential that, rather than becoming the burned-out victims of sexist gender roles in a traditional divorce, you and your spouse may be able to have an amicable divorce and actually grow as friends and co-parents after the divorce, passing on a healthier model of marriage to your kids.
Our Services & How We Can Help
At Divorce Options San Diego, we are highly qualified professional mediators and certified financial planners with psychoanalytical expertise. Our mediators are caring, educated professionals who build divorce around closure and practical solutions for your future life. Many people assume they’re facing an expensive divorce battle, expecting a “win-lose” outcome. At Divorce Options San Diego, we reframe divorce as an opportunity to generate creative, optimized solutions for your future and your kids’ future.
We never litigate. We don’t do adversarial work, and we never represent one spouse against another. We empower divorcing spouses to own their divorce and craft sustainable, effective mutual agreements that will last long after the divorce is finalized. We are a one-stop shop providing a bundle of essential divorce services, from paperwork, court documents, and financial analysis to divorce transition coaching, life coaching, and interior design.
We cater to those with busy lives who want the best for themselves and their children. We can help you complete your divorce from beginning to end. If you require help with your divorce transition, we offer divorce transition coaching, divorce coaching, life coaching, and business coaching. We can work with all aspects of your post-divorce life to make your transition as fruitful and empowering as possible. Our services include career coaching, retraining, working with financial wealth advisors and other professionals, arranging moving services, connecting you with realtors, and helping you with interior design for your new space.
The mediators at Divorce Options San Diego are all certified financial planners who apply thorough financial analysis to your divorce to achieve an optimized result that will cover all aspects of your financial situation, including investments, property, and all other assets or debts. Our San Diego divorce mediation process provides a sophisticated review of your community property, separate property, potential community property allocations and divisions, cash flow, transitional processes, and sustainable financial planning for your divorce process. We make the paperwork part of the divorce as efficient as possible so you can move on with your lives. In most cases, you won’t have to hire divorce attorneys, appear before a judge, or visit a courtroom to finalize the divorce.
At Divorce Options San Diego, we emphasize an efficient, caring process that leaves out no detail relevant to your emotional, financial, and legal situations, leaving you free to get on with your life and care for your kids and yourself, both during and after your divorce. We have offices in Solana Beach, CA, but we can work with you remotely at your convenience via telephone, video-conferencing apps, and other forms of electronic communication. Please contact us at 858-281-2628 for a discreet and confidential consultation to see how we can help.